25


Intro

Writing has always made me feel revived. But at certain point of time every writer has to face the “Now what?” anxiety of the blank page. These past couple of days has been pretty rough and when today after so many days I sat to write I found this anxiety so nerving. Even the thoughts that I don't have any thoughts that I can assemble in form of the words was killing me. Every time I have used this nerving anxiety to write about you. It isn’t that I can’t write about something else but there is so much desire to write about you that every time I stare at the blank page of mine and write any word, every words somehow traces its written origin back to you. So perhaps this time too it’s all about you. Following heart when mind is blank has been my ritual while writing but Some Special Introspections was never a thing that I did.

When I started blogging back in 2011 since than this is the 80th post I’m writing out of which this one is the 70th times I’m writing about you. Does this makes you someone special? or is it me that protagonize you in my writing. But back then I don't have a reason why it just happened, as words for you come crashing out of me like a gospel, In alibis and promises. I know my writing have never been perfect (and I'm miserable at best forget about perfections) but so neither have you been. Falling in love with perfect things is so easy isn't it? Everybody does because there you don't have to worry about it. I'm not in a habit of judging people and I never do, but one thing I have learnt “It’s never about finding perfection. It's all about making things better”. Given an option to write about myself I would not able to write even single page. Oh what another fine mess I have got myself into. Sometimes this makes me wonder do I exist or I’m merely an extension of your soul living outside of you?  

Every moments I live I do some trade off, actually we all do. It's such a strange to find out that people you know so well is now a total stranger. Strange that sometime I spend my whole day without even thinking about you. Isn't that a good thing? Most of the times I let myself to forget because it’s easier, but then I find something and the full weight of your memories comes back, crashing me under the weight.  It’s past 4 AM and I’m scrolling back our conversation to see pieces of you, shaped in words and sentences drawn from your lips blessed with succulency. Yes that much I have grown to love your words, they are like honeydew on morning daisies. You’re beautiful more than your hazel eye about which I have never stopped saying. Tonight if I write I could write about you and your strange beautiful heart I could’ve written in words engraved over sapphire bound with emerald and kissed upon with a mesh of rubies and pearls. But that’s the problem with someone always being on your mind, someone finding a permanent place in your heart; you can’t do anything without thinking about them, you think her name, you see her face; somehow you always manage to rewire my brain into a white noise that I can never escape except always felling you in my mind, In bits and pieces, In fragments, In every words sitting here that I’m writing on you on wet pages of even wet journal while it’s raining here.  

I exist for you
So I Live in words
and write for you
but somehow, my whispers,
in the darked dusted breeze,
under the sheen of the trembling
moon becomes lost
and just like the sea shells
every time it wash away into oblivion.

P.S- My apologize to all the people whose post i haven't been able to read from last 15 days. 


Post a Comment Blogger 25

  1. Such intense feelings! I hope they are reciprocated in the same intense way! :)
    70th time you are writing for that person!!!!

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    1. Even I hope So :d .. Thank you for reading :)

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  2. Good to see you back after so many days :) and 70th time for same person , that too with such intense feelings .. she must be someone special .. agreed with above comment ! you must be a romantic soul :)

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    1. Thank you .. she may or may not be :d ..

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  3. yet another lovely and lovable writing from you.. and 70th post for those lucky hazel eyes..heartfelt wishes :)

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  4. Ankur, isn't it high time you made ur "that one special" read ur blog, and let her know how deeply u feel about her? :) trust me, do it, u don't want to regret not saying it to her, do u?

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    1. I second that... and if you don't want to do that.... just pass her details, we your blogger friends will do that for you :D

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    2. I guess we all need a muse to write .. that all :d

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  5. Ankur Sorry to hear about the death in your family...I hope everything is fine now.. :)
    And about the post..Arey yaar 70 baar yaha pe post likh liya,usko bola jaake..agar haan to fine agar nahi to just go ahead and speak up your mind... :)
    Feelings is the thing you should just let out and to the person for whom these feelings are meant.. :)

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    1. yeah every thing is ok now .. if you let it out you cant write it down :p

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  6. Reading your blog for first time because one of my friends shared your post on facebook .. But have to say you are brilliant with words .. Agree with everyone else you should say these things to her .. because back here in Utah I know how much anyone will love to have such a person in their life who have such intense feeling for them !

    blessings
    Maria

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    1. Thank you so much .. :) even i agree with everyone else :D .. i guess i have to come to utah for that some day :d

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  7. Love is a beautiful thing, it teaches you a lot but I always fear it. Loving someone in excess can destroy too. Beautifully written though.

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    1. Yeah even i have that fear .. i'm rational about it :) thank you so much

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  8. OMG! Haha....lol Ankur you are so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet! :D A total lovelorn kid eh! Lovely post Ankur! Acha usko propose kiya ki nahi kunware ne? (b)

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    1. oh really am I ? :d .. no a lovelorn write-up only kiddo .. Thank you :) .. nah propose tab na jab koi ho ya phir if im sure that i can stick with that one :p

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    2. haha...lol! you are not even sure :-)

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    3. you need to be diplomatic while you are on public forum ;)

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